How do you like being a Mom?

A new friend came over today and asked me, "How do you like being a Mom?" Sheesh, how do you answer that? "Depends on the day", was the glib response I wanted to give. How sad for her, she just celebrated her first baby's first birthday. A cynical answer is like telling your HORROR birth story to a first-time pregger. Although cathartic, realistic and authentic; not a nice idea.  So, I paused. I don't recall the exact answer I gave her, but it involved the summation of finding out I was preggs with Selah and being depressed for 5 months that I was going to be a mother again. Of course, the story ends so well, with our whole family being completely whole thanks to her addition. "Selah's story" is a perfect way to dissect the intricate love/fear relationship I have with being a mother.

Aside from the physical energy, extreme time management skills, and constant vigilance of everything, the emotional toll child-rearing puts on you is overwhelming. And, it NEVER ends. NEVER. How do I know this? My parents constantly worry and love over me. I am 35 for cripes sake! Stop already, you don't have to do this to yourself.

For the first time in 4 years I read an earlier blog post which I wrote in the "dark" years when the kids were little and I was consumed with diapers and tantrums and being a mother of two strong-willed toddlers. I felt brave today. I faced demons and, as it turned out, they were funny and real and I liked the girl that wrote those posts. As much as I have demonized who I was at that time, I was wrong. I survived and I'm content with who I am today and my past, inexperienced young self.

However, as Lola is catapulted into early adolescence, I hang my head at times and think, "WHAT in the world was I thinking having another one?" I peered into the future and realized I would never, ever stop worrying about her, Moses or Selah. Never. What a paralytic feeling it is when you realize that you're responsible for the upbringing of a human being(s). That responsibility is no more evident then when your child starts throwing your every word back in your face. Help me Jesus!

My immediate answer to the previous question was a cheerful, "I was born for this job!" But, in reality, who is? Who was born to raise children? We are thrust into this and God has to pour copious amounts of mercy on our soul daily. Pour, pour, pour. That is why woman are the stronger sex. My apologies for sounding reverse sexist, but the reality is women have to be warm, loving, obsessed with teachers and school,  multi-tasking disciplinarians and still have dinner on the table. It is so crazy messed up and contrary to human nature. Guess what? Woman have been in charge of raising the world forever since history was history (Genesis 2:18). Sorry guys, it is just the way it is. Your cool and all, but I know what the house looks like when I leave for the weekend....(and prepare ALL the food in advance).

So what do I say? Yeah, being a mother rocks, dude! Cuz I rule the world of three people. Three people who know I am capable of horrific acts of anger, picking my nose, sleeping in my clothes sometimes. They still love me! They constantly forgive me. Can you believe that? They still WORSHIP me, it goes way beyond just love. I am their "go-to" person on every occasion. I get to see them do wonderful acts of every imaginable brilliance and think, "I was a part of making this human, they identify with me."  And, not just human, but kick-ass human. Jesus gave me just the right amount of grace, love and stamina to be a mom today. Yeah Jesus, yeah me, yeah Mothers everywhere, forever and ever, amen.